Day 126: Alone

He has never truly felt alone, in all his time on this earth, he’s never been alone. Even when there’s no one around, he felt like he was on The Truman Show, that there was always someone watching. Someone orchestrating his life, planning and plotting, fixing and erasing, always narrating and always guiding.

This feeling has always been one of comfort and discontent for him. On the one hand he loved feeling like the world was created just for his amusement. That he was very important and that something important had to have happened for him to end up where he was. That a sacrifice had to be made, a huge debt was paid, just for him to be here. He loved the feeling of always being protected, that nothing truly bad can ever happen to him because he was being watched. He loved that even in solitary moments he could still have conversations because there was always someone listening. That even in complete darkness, there was a light somewhere not too far that could clearly see him.

But there was the other hand, the one where he felt uncomfortable. As if he couldn’t truly be himself, that he was constantly being judged by a superior being. One that watched but rarely responded, and when they did it was always in signs and symbols that he had to decipher. He felt that his best self was the only self he could be.

At the end of it all, he loved that he was never alone. He loved that he had the attention and time of someone who never leaves him, especially in times of difficulty.

Thank you for reading.

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